L-live

The American decided to enlist in the navy in hopes of getting a girl. He'd just graduated from high school with a GPA no higher than 2.5 and he wasn't a talented amateur in extracurricular activities like golfing or surfing. He didn't play any instruments except for a good casual whistle (he could do a fine "Bye Bye Birdie" and "The Star Spangled Banner"). He wasn't First Aid certified, not a life guard, not a great swimmer, essentially, not trained in anything, no extra skills. So after he graduated his ho-hum Nebraska high school he enlisted in the navy. His mother probably wonders if he still smokes two packs of cigarettes a day, doing al

As I am writing this right now, my girlfriend is at her house, blaming me again for slowing down her internet speed because I'd been trying to ask about the English assignment that we were supposed to do for homework on MSN. Because I don't know the criteria of our English essay and I do not have anything better to do than file this complaint, I will be writing a memoir of everything that has gotten between us ever since we became official seventy-one days ago during lunch in the school cafeteria. Curse the English teacher! He's mildly retarded anyway. I will do a brief introduction of my girlfriend. She's five four, which is a typical heigh

1. You have called her Mother Gaga, Mama Monster at least once. 2. When you grow up, you want to drive Pussy Wagon. (Or if you are of driving age, you have seriously considered getting Pussy Wagon sprayed onto the back hood of your car.) [This one is now crossed out.] 3. You have never missed any prime time television performances. Ever. 4. In that case, you have cried at least once from the sheer inspiration and charisma that she brings, and your family has looked at you strangely. 5. You know when someone's made it because your four year old niece and your grandma both loves her. 6. You sing Bad Romance like an anthem. 7. You now refe